#and in this post you see me turn a turnip - uh i mean...

[haemey]

Ok so recently I saw a post about "Oh, Aziraphale's handwriting in the Edinburgh minisode is so dainty! So angelic!"

And like... no. No it's not. Now, this is coming from someone whose handwriting has never been described as pretty or dainty or anything. In fact, my teachers once wrote on my report that it was "legible." Yep. That one hurt. Anyway.

Also, I am not an expert in fonts, but... What is this?

He's printing! Why is he printing? He should be writing in the most elegant English Cursive. Instead, he's just barely connecting his printed letters. And with that fat kind of nib, too!

This is what English Cursive should look like, according to the calligraphy books I've been hoarding in hopes practicing that would improve my own handwriting:

Now this is dainty and angelic. And it needs to be written with a quite fine nib.

And it's not even that difficult! Look, this is what I did in about half an hour (most of which was spent wrestling with inkflow and bleeding and prying open inkwells):

Imagine how much prettier it would be if I actually put in, let's say, a week of practice. Which is not too much to ask of a professional actor.

No shade to Michael Sheen, I don't know the bts of the writing scene, but it just actually grinds my gears. It would have been so easy to have, let's say, an actual calligrapher stand in for the shot where you onyl see the hands, or just to tell MS to practice his Cursive. Again, when it comes to preparing for roles, the amount of work this would take is well within what you can expect (I would know, I'm a performer myself after all). I'm just confused why that didn't happen.

Gripe over.

[onetuffbunny]

"I'm terribly sorry about all the horrible fuss. These frost spirits have been causing such an awful ruckus. I've been chasing them off as I find them but they keep cropping up," Neht says as she fiddles with the burners. "My goodness, you haven't got a single potato in your house, do you? Well, I suppose you can make soup without potatoes but I think there's something to be said for the texture."

Bunny sits awkwardly at the table under a mound of blankets that don't quite cover him. He barely tolerates letting R.A. see him unglamoured, so his neighbor from a little further on down the road in the woods would normally be out of the question, but it's cold and he's had a lot of excitement and putting it back on is the least of his concerns right now.

"Uh, well, you know, I guess I eat blood now? And not potatoes? Wow, so have you always been a vampire?"

Neht starts rummaging through the bottom of his fridge. He hadn't asked her to make soup but she just kind of decided to do it on her own after wrapping him up in all of his blankets at once. No one's made him soup before unless you count Loretta warming up the canned stuff or maybe his mom when he was a kid.

"Since I was born, yes," she says. "If I had known you had been turned, I would've told you much sooner."

She seems to find what she's looking for and holds it up to the light triumphant.

"Behold! A turnip! Well, it's a bit sad and wrinkled, actually, but I suppose it'll do."

"Oh, that's, like, from before I turned. Do you think it's still good?"

Neht immediately throws the turnip away.

"You aren't eating this turnip. It's poison now. Well, I'll have to make do with the frozen vegetables in your freezer. It's not ideal but it's better than nothing."

He can't taste much because it feels like he has a perpetual head-cold but he doesn't protest.

"Should I make enough for your children or...well, I suppose you don't feed them blood, do you?"

"Oh, uh, they're...their mom has them right now? Because, you know, with the fledgling shit, it's...complicated. Because, you know, regulators and other vampires and...things."

"Ah. I'm sorry, dear, I didn't mean to pry into things that aren't my business."

"Oh no, it's fine! It's just...uh, it's complicated. We're working it out," Bunny says. "So, like, snow's haunted."

"Yes. Maybe not haunted but it's certainly not right."

It sure is hell isn't.

"Haha, yeah, on account of it trying to kill me. Or at least make me chilly."

Neht pour some broth into the pot. Bunny's not sure how old it is because he hasn't cooked a whole lot since he turned but it's not past its expiration date or else the witch would've thrown it out, so it's fine.

"Oh no, it was absolutely trying to kill you," Neht says because she's extremely comforting. "Or rather, I suppose it wanted to steal your warmth. Although it could've just been jealous. You fed the first one but not the rest. Don't do that, dear. Not everything you meet deserves an offering."

"Wow," Bunny says. "So...how do I not get killed by ice ghosts?"

"Well, I suppose there's really not much you can do to ward them off, dear. You're very delicate. I, on the other hand, am watchful. I could take you to the commune my son runs, if you'd like. You could stay here as well."

"Oh, uh, I don't want to be a bother, I just-"

"Nonsense. It's hardly a bother to me at all. I only do exactly what I want when I want to do it. Now, where do you keep your spices? We're going to need some garlic powder in this."

"Third cabinet on the right. How did you know? Like, did you just sense there was a fucked up ice ghost and that's why you came?"

"Oh no, not at all. I saw your Fumblr posts and there really aren't that many people named Bunny around. You're very lucky I logged in tonight, you know. I don't do it with great regularity. Everyone on it is practically an infant and I simply do not enjoy the layout but I do like knowing what everyone is doing."

"Oh," he says because that's much less mystical than what he was hoping for. "That's cool. Uh. Thanks. For rescuing my ass."

"You're quite welcome. As a word of advice, you may want to post less personal details online. You never know who's watching your posts, after all."

"...Will do?"

Even if Bunny can't taste it very well, the soup turns out alright. The snow still keeps coming down outside. He's not sure when it'll stop.

[whumphoarder]

Beanimia

Summary: While Peter is visiting Tony and Morgan at the lake house for a long weekend, the six-year-old manages to accidentally break his nose. Unfortunately, Spider-Man's super-healing decides to go on holiday the same weekend that he does.

Word count: 3,877

Genre: Fluffy illness/injury, whump, hurt/comfort, humor

A/N: Thanks to @xxx-cat-xxx and @sallyidss for beta-reading and to @awesomesockes for plot, summary, and title ideas <3

Link to read on Ao3

“So”—Tony snaps the single use ice pack to activate the chemicals and gives it a few shakes as he moves back over to the kitchen table—“which one of you is going to explain what happened here?”

Morgan shakes her head gravely side to side. “Peter didn’t catch the beans...”

“Well, to be fair,” Peter points out, his voice significantly more nasally than usual due to the wad of paper towels he’s pressing to his heavily bleeding nose, “you didn’t really warn me you were about to chuck a can of beans at my head.”

“But I did!” the six-year-old defends. “I said, ‘I’ll throw down the supplies.’”

“Supplies for what?” Tony questions. He passes Peter the ice pack, earning a grunt of thanks.

“For the mission,” Morgan explains as though it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “We were playing superheroes and we needed to pack the supplies to take with us ‘cus we had to go fight the bad guys in space.”

“She’d been stockpiling stuff for the last couple days in the treehouse,” Peter goes on, “so she was just tossing everything down for me to put in the bag. Which, y’know, was fine for the stuffed animals and the walkie-talkies and the plastic lightsabers”—he gingerly touches the ice to his nose—“just not for a sixteen-ounce can of refried pintos.”

(Tony winces in sympathy.)

Morgan lets out an exasperated exhale. “Well, we had to bring something to eat—it’s a long way to Pluto.”  

Huffing out a laugh, Tony shakes his head slowly. “I guess it’s hardly Peter’s first experience getting injured before a mission officially even begins...” he muses. He grins at the teenager. “Remember when you tripped off the quinjet ramp and sprained your ankle two minutes after we landed?”

Peter rolls his eyes, clearly annoyed. “That was one time, Mr. Stark.”

“Memorable though,” Tony quips. He gestures to the kid’s messy face and sighs. “Alright, let’s see the damage.”

Reluctantly, Peter pulls the paper towels away and fresh blood starts to trickle down. There’s a cut at the bridge of his nose and it’s rapidly swelling, a dark bruise already starting to form under his eye.

Tony prods carefully at the break, making Peter wince. “Well, it’s definitely broken,” he reports after a moment, “but it seems pretty well-aligned at least. Nothing to reset.”

Peter lets out a short, breathy laugh. “Probably because it was already a little crooked from the last time I broke it. Guess she knocked it back.”

“So… I made it better?” Morgan asks hopefully.

Tony turns in his daughter’s direction. “Oh no, don’t you start thinking you’re off the hook here, Little Miss Budding Plastic Surgeon,” he says, holding up a stern finger. “You still need to be more careful where you’re chucking your beans.”

Peter snorts, then instantly seems to regret that as he groans and adjusts the ice pack on his face.

Morgan’s expression sobers and she drops her gaze down to her feet. “I just thought he would catch it. He always catches stuff when I throw it to him…”

Her comment gives Tony pause. Now that he thinks about it, it’s not the first time since Peter arrived at the lake house for their long weekend that the kid has seemed rather sluggish and off his game. He’d dozed through most of the drive over on Friday afternoon and then slept in until almost noon the next day. Even now, he can see the dark circles under Peter’s eyes and the pallor to his cheeks that can’t be completely explained by his current blood loss.

“It’s okay, Mo,” Peter reassures her with a small smile. “I know you didn’t mean to hurt me. It’ll be all better by morning, okay?”

Morgan perks up at that, so Tony pushes aside the twinge of worry in his gut. After all, Peter’s been taking seventeen credit hours at MIT this semester, not to mention his Boston vigilante activities and the additional part-time lab assistant gig he’s picked up; that’s enough to make anyone run a little ragged.

“Why don’t you two just watch a movie or something?” Tony suggests. “Give Peter’s nose a little time to sort itself out.”

Morgan and Peter agree, so Tony rustles up some of Peter’s super-strength painkillers and sets the kids up in the living room with some weird movie that Morgan inexplicably loves about a talking parrot whose biggest goal in life is to see the sun rise over the Grand Canyon. Before they even hit the fifteen minute mark, from out of the corner of his eye, Tony sees the ice pack slide down Peter’s face as the boy drifts off.

X

The combination of pain pills and the usual post-injury recovery time knocks Peter out and he sleeps straight through the rest of the movie. He’s still a little groggy and disoriented when Tony wakes him for dinner, but years of mentoring a reckless teenage superhero have taught the man that this is all par for the course.

Given that the pork chops Pepper left for them to reheat (before heading to her sister’s house for the weekend) require a bit more chewing than Peter’s face is up for at the moment, Tony whips the kid up a smoothie to drink instead.

Peter peers warily into the glass Tony hands him, swirling the green contents around. “What’s in here?”

Tony shrugs. “Whatever I found in the fridge. Blueberries, yogurt, scoop of protein powder, a banana, some spinach…”

“Ew, why would you drink spinach?” Morgan interrupts, her nose wrinkling up in disgust. “That’s gross.”

“Says the girl who put mayonnaise on her graham crackers last week,” Tony points out.

“It was good!” she defends.

Peter takes a cautious sip of the drink. He looks contemplative for second, then must have decided that he approves of the flavor because he just shrugs and proceeds to down about half the glass in a few gulps.

Morgan makes a dramatic gagging noise. Tony rolls his eyes and flicks her arm playfully.

“It’s actually really good,” Peter admits, lowering the cup back down. “Been awhile since I’ve had real vegetables.”

“Ugh, lucky,” Morgan groans as Tony adds a few pieces of asparagus to the little girl’s plate. “They’re the worst. Except for artichokes—those are good.”

“You like artichokes?” Peter questions.

“Uh huh.” She grins. “And turnips!”

“Well, Gerald likes turnips,” Tony clarifies, “and Morgan likes feeding them to him.”

This comment inspires Morgan to launch into a long-winded explanation of all the things she’s ever seen Gerald eat—from grass, to broccoli stalks, to a weird-looking bug—and which of those were his favorites. Peter nods along to her rambling, but seems far less engaged than usual and doesn’t even react when she mentions Gerald’s favorite type of cookie is double stuffed Oreo.

(Tony, on the other hand, interrupts at that point with a stern lecture for the six-year-old on what she can and cannot feed the alpaca moving forward.)

Once dinner is over, they all migrate back to the living room. Morgan wants to play Uno, and Peter obliges for a while, but his overall lack of focus persists.

“Peeeterrrr,” Morgan whines for the third time, poking his arm to snap him out of his daze. “It’s your turn again. You gotta draw two.”

“Oh. Sorry.” Peter takes two cards from the deck and adds them to his hand before reaching up to rub tiredly at his temples.

Tony’s brow furrows. “Headache?”

“Yeah, kinda,” Peter admits. “It’s not bad, just like… there.”

“Hm.” Tony nods. Turning to Morgan he says, “What do you say we finish this game up tomorrow?” Morgan’s face screws up and she looks like she’s about to protest before he adds, “Pretty sure there are some fudge-pops left in the freezer. I won’t tell Mommy if you don’t.”

Morgan drops her cards with an excited whoop and jumps up to run to the kitchen.

Tony gets to his feet to follow her. He glances back at Peter, who has sunk into the cushions with a relieved sigh. “Fudge-pop?” he offers.

Peter makes a non-committal noise in his throat. “I dunno. Think I might just head to bed.”

Tony glances at his watch. It’s just shy of eight o’clock—even Morgan doesn’t usually go to bed for another half hour. He knows Peter’s healing always takes a lot out of him, but he’s seen the kid looking less drowsy and out of it after getting slammed into the airport tarmac in Germany and cracking three ribs than he does at the moment. “Think you might be coming down with something?” he asks.

Peter shrugs once more, prompting Tony to press his hand to the kid’s forehead. He definitely isn’t detecting a fever—if anything, Peter’s skin is a little cold.

“What’s not feeling good?” Tony clarifies. “Head? Stomach? Throat?”

Peter hesitates a second. “Just… just my head I guess.” He sighs. “I think I’m just tired. Haven’t really been sleeping that great lately,” he confesses.

Tony’s forehead creases in concern. “Kid, you know May and I talked to you about overloading yourself your first year at school.”

“No, I go to bed,” Peter clarifies, “I just don’t always, like, sleep.”

“Why?” Tony’s frown deepens. “Are you having nightmares, or…?”

“No…” Peter exhales deeply, running a hand through his hair. “It’s not that. I just can’t always, like, settle down? I don’t know—it’s really not that bad,” he quickly backtracks. “I think I just need a good night’s sleep. I’ll be better tomorrow.”

(Like an idiot, Tony believes him.)

“Alright, well, sleep well kid,” he says as Peter shuffles off to the guest room.

X

“Okay, so... this is a little weird,” Peter says as he enters the kitchen the next morning.

Tony glances up and blinks at the sight of Peter’s very swollen and now darkly bruised nose and cheekbone. He sets down the bowl of waffle batter he’s been whisking and moves over to get a closer look.

“What the hell, kid?” Tony mutters under his breath, running his fingertips carefully over the still-clearly-broken bone. “You once healed from a compound fracture overnight.” He pauses a beat. “Of your femur.”

“Eh...” Peter shrugs tiredly. “Super-healing isn’t really a science, is it?”

“Well it’s certainly not an art,” Tony retorts. He gestures to the kid’s nose. “Unless this is your Black-and-Blue Period, Picasso.”

Peter groans, sinking down onto one of the kitchen chairs. “That was almost as painful as my face,” he complains.

It’s clear the kid meant it as a joke, but that admission does nothing to alleviate Tony’s concern. He finds Peter a fresh ice pack and doses him out another painkiller before resuming making breakfast.

Somehow even a second night of sleep doesn’t seem to have restored much of the kid’s energy. Peter sits hunched forward with one elbow on the table to hold the ice to his face and has his phone resting in his lap. He scrolls idly through it, looking like he might nod off any second.

After a few minutes, the backdoor to the kitchen swings open and Morgan re-enters with pieces of hay still stuck to her boots.

“I gave Gerald two turnips,” she announces. “And he hummed at me and then he tried to steal my hat but I got it back ‘cept for the fuzzy thing.” She points at the red knit hat on her head, which is missing a pom-pom.

Tony groans as he ladles more waffle batter onto the iron. “He didn’t swallow it, did he? Because if that vet has to come out here one more time, I swear—”

“Peter!” Morgan blurts, suddenly noticing the boy at the table. He startles and looks up from his lap as the six-year-old runs over to him. “Your face looks so bad!”

Tony clears his throat. “Uh, Morgan, we don’t—”

“So, so, so, so bad,” she emphasizes, as tears well up in her eyes. She throws her arms around his waist. “I’m really r-really sorry!” she cries. “I didn’t m-mean to hit you with the beans!”

“Hey, hey, it’s okay, Mo,” Peter assures, wrapping her in his arms. “It’s gonna heal really soon, okay? I’m a spider, remember? I always heal fast.”

“But sp-spiders don...don’t heal fast!” Morgan sobs into his chest. “You can squish ‘em re-really easy and they d-die if it gets too c-cold or if they get sprayed with bug killing stuff, an-and…”

Peter glances up and shoots his mentor a look of utter helplessness.

In return, Tony shrugs his shoulders in an exaggerated fashion. “Don’t look at me, kid. I’ve been wondering the same thing since we met.”

Still holding the crying child, Peter rolls his eyes at him.

“Kidding, kidding...” Tony says under his breath. He abandons the waffle iron and heads over to gather the sobbing six-year-old up into his arms. “Morgan, sweetheart, listen to me,” he says as he rubs her back gently. “Peter isn’t really a spider, okay? He’s actually more of a mutant.”

(Morgan only cries harder at that.)

Peter huffs out a short laugh and leans back against the chair. “Doing great, Mr. Stark.”

“...And because he’s a mutant,” Tony plows right along, “his DNA is different from ours and that’s why he usually heals freaky fast,” he explains over her tears as she buries her face in his shoulder. “Except it’s just being a little slow today, so we’re gonna just let him rest and eat some good food and that should help fix him up, okay?”

She hiccups a few times. “So he ju...just needs some w-waffles?” she manages to get out.

That jogs Tony’s memory. He spins around to see that the iron is still very much on and the waffle is starting to burn, smoke wafting up around the edges. “Ah shit,” he mutters.

“It’s okay, I got it,” Peter says, pushing himself quickly up from his seat. But the moment he gets to his feet, he staggers sideways and grips the table, his face draining of color.

“Pete?” Tony goes to set the still-sniffling six-year-old back down, but before he’s able to get her feet on the floor, Peter’s knees give out.

Tony curses and shoots a hand out just a second too late as Peter crumples first to his knees and then to the ground, landing directly on his already-injured face.

Morgan’s eyes go wide. “Daddy!” she shrieks.

Tony plops her down abruptly. “Go unplug the waffle maker, okay?” he instructs her as he drops to his knees next to Peter. He figures the last thing they need to add to the chaos is a smoke alarm.

Eyes still locked on the scene before her, Morgan nods and runs over to the counter to unplug the device. Meanwhile, Tony rolls Peter over onto his back and instantly grimaces at the sight. Besides the deathly pallor, the kid’s broken nose is definitely crooked now and fresh blood is streaming down.

“Is he… dead?” Morgan asks, horrified.

“No, no, of course not...” Tony presses two fingers to the pulse point in the boy’s neck, relieved to feel a strong, albeit fast, beat. “He just fainted—he’ll be fine,” he says, shaking the unconscious boy’s shoulder. 

“He looks dead,” Morgan whispers, still staring.

“Yeah, but he’s not,” Tony says firmly. Not wanting the blood to run down Peter’s throat, he continues to roll the kid over until he’s on his side in a sort of modified recovery position. “Pete, c’mon, this isn’t a good look,” he mutters, tapping Peter’s cheek. “We’re all getting enough trauma therapy as it is…”

Finally, the kid’s eyelids start fluttering open. “There you go, that’s it,” Tony praises when Peter blinks up at him. “You back with us yet?”

Peter groans and lets his eyes close again. “Do I ‘ave to be?”

“Yes,” Tony says curtly. He starts shaking Peter’s shoulder again, though gentler now. “I need to know how I’m taking you to Bruce—car or ambulance?”

“Ugh… How ‘bout neither?” Peter mumbles. He lifts a hand up tiredly to wipe a bit of blood off his upper lip. “‘M alright. Just got a lil’ dizzy…”

“Nope.” Worry is quickly taking over Tony, though it comes out in the form of briskness. “You’ve got sixty seconds to get off the floor or I’m choosing for you,” he declares, already pulling out his phone.

Morgan’s voice comes out small and quavering. “Peter...?”

Ultimately, that sound is what it takes to make Peter move. With Tony’s support, he pushes himself up and sits there for a moment, blinking wearily as blood trickles down from his nose. Tony sends Morgan to fetch a box of tissues and a clean shirt for Peter, then loads them both into the car for a little field trip.

X

“Anemia?” Peter repeats, incredulous.

The kid is sitting on an exam table at the SHIELD Medical base, his recently-reset nose now splinted. Meanwhile, Morgan sits in the chair beside Tony, entertaining herself with a handful of wooden tongue depressors and a roll of medical tape.

Bruce adjusts his glasses as he scans the results from Peter’s blood panel on his tablet. “Yeah, that’s what the tests are showing. Basically, it means that your body isn’t getting enough iron to produce hemoglobin, so it can’t carry oxygen effectively. This results in fatigue, lightheadedness, insomnia, headaches, shortness of breath, and—apparently in your case—a reduced healing factor.”

“But how did I get anemia?” Peter balks. “I’m Spider-Man.”

“Well, there are a few possible causes,” Bruce explains, “but based on several nutrient deficiencies I’m seeing in your bloodwork, my best guess is from your diet.”

“Ah.” A look of understanding flickers across Peter’s face for a second. “Yeah, okay, that checks out...” he mumbles.

“Wait, how exactly does that ‘check out’?” Tony asks.

Peter shrugs. “Well, I just… haven’t been eating the best food lately.”

Tony raises an eyebrow. “What do you mean? Doesn’t MIT’s cafeteria serve a pretty decent spread?”

“Uh, yeah, I think so,” Peter allows. He rubs a hand at the back of his neck awkwardly. “I just haven’t been really… uh, going there?”

Tony blinks at him. “Why the hell not?”

“That’s Mommy’s word,” Morgan pipes up without looking up from the two wooden sticks she’s connecting together with tape.

“I just don’t have a lot of time between my classes and job and stuff, and the cafeteria is all the way across campus,” Peter explains. “So I mostly just eat my own food.”

“Which would be…?” Bruce asks.

Peter hesitates. “Ramen,” he says after a moment. “The chicken flavor one.”

“Hm, okay…” Bruce nods, jotting this down on his tablet. “Not really the most nutritious option, but definitely a college staple. What else?”

Dropping his gaze to his lap, Peter starts picking at a piece of fuzz on his sweatshirt. “Uh… sometimes I get the beef one?”

Tony blinks at him. “Beef ramen?”

“I tried the lime chili shrimp one once. Not a fan.”

“You’re kidding me, right?” Tony blinks again. “Peter, I’m paying for you to have three square meals a day at that college—not three styrofoam cups of dehydrated noodles.”

“I also eat granola bars,” Peter says. “And bagels.” He starts ticking foods off on his fingers. “Microwave burritos, yogurt, uh.... those little frozen chicken taquito thingies? But like, only if my roommate isn’t using the freezer for his weird cult ritual stuff. That’s why I usually stick to the soup.”

Tony pinches the bridge of his nose and heaves out a sigh. “Jesus take the wheel…”

“Oh! I had an apple last week!” Peter throws in.

Bruce runs a hand through his own hair, exhaling a carefully measured breath. “Okay, Peter, you know that you have an enhanced metabolism, right? That means you need to eat significantly more food than the average person.”

“Right, and I do!” Peter nods. “I always make sure I get enough calories.”

“And that’s good,” Bruce says, “but you also need to make sure you’re getting enough nutrients. Calories are just a part of that. With your unusual physiology, it’s especially important that you’re getting all the required vitamins and minerals to support the rapid regeneration of your cells, and a diet of cup noodles and bagels—”

“And frozen burritos,” Peter interrupts.

“—is simply not nutritionally dense enough for you,” Bruce finishes. “Not by a long shot.”

There’s a beat.

“Oh.”

“What does ‘nu-tri-tion-al-ly dense’ mean?” Morgan asks. Her tongue depressor creation has folded over itself and vaguely resembles a collapsed bridge now.

“It means Peter needs to eat more vegetables,” Tony butts in. “Just like you and Gerald.”

She sticks out her tongue. “Gross.”

“Alright, we’re gonna start you on some iron supplements,” Bruce addresses Peter. “But it might take a couple weeks to get your levels back up enough to reverse the anemia. I’m also going to give you a list of foods high in iron—things like dark leafy greens, broccoli, dried fruit, nuts, red meat, kidney beans—”

“NO BEANS,” the other three all declare in unison.

X

After hauling the kids back to the lake house, Tony sets Peter and Morgan up on the couch with another movie (Pirates of the Caribbean this time) and heads to the kitchen to fix them all some lunch. Potatoes and turnips are both high in iron, so he cooks and mashes up a big potful with some milk, butter, and salt, figuring that would be easy to chew without hurting the kid’s face too much. He scoops some into a bowl for Peter and then whips up another green smoothie for him to drink, as well as sandwiches for himself and Morgan. Once everything is ready, he piles it all onto a tray and heads back.

As he approaches the living room, Tony can already hear Morgan’s voice floating towards him in the falsetto stage-whisper she always uses when she’s voicing make-believe characters.

“Help me! Help me!” she cries. “Oh no, I’m falling!”

Tony stops in the room’s threshold to watch. The movie is still playing in the background, but neither kid seems to be watching. Instead, Peter is lying on his back on the sofa with his eyes closed, giggling quietly while Morgan kneels on the floor in front of the cushions, dancing a single M&M around the edges of the boy’s open mouth.

Suddenly, she drops the candy into his mouth with a dramatic gasp. “Noooo… the king has fallen into the pit! The anemia monster got him!” she cries.

“The anemia monster?” Tony asks in amusement.

Peter’s eyes snap open. “Uh, we were just playing a game.”

Morgan turns back to look at her dad, grinning. “Chocolate is on the list Uncle Bruce gave him!” she says, waving the piece of paper in Tony’s direction.

“Pretty sure that says dark chocolate,” Tony says, eyes narrowing at them as he crosses the room. “Not leftover M&Ms from the Christmas stash.”

Morgan’s face falls. “Aw…”

Tony sets the tray of food down on the coffee table. “Don't worry, kids,” he says, passing Peter the kale and fruit-rich protein smoothie. “Iron Man to the rescue.”

X

Link to all my fics

If you liked this story, you might also like:

Morgan Stark, M.D.

Dad Level: 3000

Long Distance Dadding

X

[openheart12]

I Did Something Bad

A/N: Today is my lovely adoptive mom’s @burnsoslow birthday! I never thought me making a post about yk what would lead to our friendship and Kryce! I hope you have the best day ever and that it is every bit as amazing as you are! I’m so thankful for your friendship and how you make me laugh until I cry or pee fvhujskdghfn and you’re the only one who could ever make me into a Drake stan. I love you so much! Eat all the cake you can for me! Happy birthday, love! I hope you know how much I adore you ❤

A/N 2: This is very much full of Donald Trump hate and despitement because who wouldn’t hate him anyways jkhkdjgh there’s also quite a bit of cussing 

Word Count: 2,613

Thank you @rigatonireid for pre-reading!! 

“This is bullshit,” Kurns exclaimed as Bryce and Dick were watching the events unfolding at the United States Capitol. “This is why you don’t vote for oranges.” She said while rolling her eyes. 

“Agreed,” the two men replied in unison. 

“Jinx!” They replied again at the same time that led to twenty minutes of them saying “jinx again” in response until Dick finally gave in and let Bryce win. 

“You win, Bryce-y poo,” he had said. Kurns had kept her attention glued to the television during their little game. 

“You okay over there, banana flavored moonpie?” Dick asked, directing his attention over to Kurns. 

“No, look at all those turnips. And the cult leader himself told them to do this shit. People actually voted for this moron? They should all get head CTs to check for brain damage which they undoubtedly have.” 

“Would it make you feel better if we overthrew the government while kidnapping Donnie?” Dick asked seriously. 

“Yes, actually,” she answered with a wide grin. 

“Okay, let me make a few phone calls and can you download some episodes of My Little Pony on Netflix for Bryce?” Kurns nodded her head in response, she also took the liberty of downloading Among Us on their phones so they wouldn’t be bored on the flight. 

The flight from North Delanois was a little over eight hours and being on a plane that long with a toddler, well Bryce, was going to be a challenge. 

It was a private jet so hopefully it would be more bearable, but just in case she also downloaded a few episodes of Max and Ruby and Yo Gabba Gabba. She also downloaded some episodes of Parks and Rec and Friends for herself. 

After packing the essentials; clothing, toiletries, handcuffs, whipped cream, ice cubes -who knew- and My Little Pony gummies, they were off to the airport.  

“Dick Kock,” Dick said introducing himself along with Kurns and Bryce. 

Kurns was decked out in a Taylor Swift 1989 t-shirt and a pair of leggings with her trusty white vans whereas Bryce was dressed in a rainbow colored polka dot shirt, black and white striped pants, one blue croc and the other was yellow, and socks with weed on them. Him and Kurns had forgotten about meth since it already landed them in jail one. Chris P. Bacon was still a sore subject for the pair. 

They boarded the plane and Bryce immediately went to find his gummies. Kurns took a seat next to Dick and pulled up CNN news to get an update on the attack on the Capitol. 

Suddenly breaking news flashed across her phone screen: Taylor Swift set to release her tenth studio album later today. 

“OH MY GOD! BRYCE LOOK!” Kurns exclaimed, jumping up out of her seat to show Bryce. 

“OH MY GOD! TS10! TS10! TS10!” He chanted. 

“Oh wow, that sure is exciting!” Dick chimed in. 

“By the way, D, I think we should call this Operation ‘I Did Something Bad’ in honor of Taylor’s new album.” 

“That’s a spectacular idea, Kurnel Mustard!” Bryce said with a smirk, it had been a new nickname he had given her after the three of them had played Clue one night.

“Shut up, Apple Bottom Jeans, Boots with the Fur,” she retaliated, mocking the Little Pony named Apple Jacks. 

“Stfu,” he said, crossing his arms over his chest. 

“You must be really mad if you’re talking in text.”

“Dick,” he pouted, “she’s doing it again.” 

“Be nice you two, we have a long flight ahead of us.” 

For the first two hours, they each did their own thing; Dick was reading a hunting magazine, Kurns was watching the news, and Bryce had already finished the entirety of My Little Pony. 

“Do you guys wanna play Among us?” Kurns asked out of the blue. 

“Hell yeah! I just bought the baby crew mate and I’m dying to use it,” Bryce responded. 

“I’ve never played before but sure!” 

“Okay so you’re either a crew mate or impostor and if you’re a crew mate, you have to do these tasks whilst trying not to die and if you’re an impostor, you go around killing other crew mates trying not to get caught in the process. You’ll get the hang of it eventually,” Kurns explained. 

“Thanks love bug,” Dick placed a quick kiss to the side of her head. 

The three of them found an open lobby and talked in the chat box waiting for the game to start and when it did, Dick asked the question of, “why is my name red?” 

“Oh my God, Dick! Don’t say that. It means you’re an impostor,” Bryce explained at the same exact time Kurns called an emergency meeting. 

“It’s purple,” Kurns typed in the text box, referring to Bryce’s color. 

“What the frick! It’s so not me. I’m not playing anymore,” he pouted, turning off his phone and crossing his arms over his chest. 

“Now, children, can you two not get along? Think about the bigger picture,” Dick intervened. 

“True, but I’m still not going to play with her.”

His statement didn’t affect Kurns in the slightest and she went back to playing the game. Dick joined her while Bryce was running away from an imaginary dragon and he ended up colliding into one of the seats, face first. 

“Ow,” he rubbed his forehead that was now bright red. 

“That’s what you get for being a baby,” Kurns said, not looking up from her phone while Dick went to go check on his blueberry muffin. 

“You okay, strawberry flavored fig bar? That’s quite a hit you took.” 

“Yeah, a kiss would make it feel better though,” he said, using his puppy dog eyes. Dick smiled softly at him before kissing his forehead all better. 

The three of them spent the next six hours playing games, eating, and watching movies from the age of the dinosaurs that Kurns had saved since she was over 10,000 years old. 

After landing in Washington D.C., the trio headed straight to the Whitehouse, if people could storm the Capitol, how much harder could it be to kidnap the president? That was Kurns logic at least and as it turns out, it wasn’t that much harder. 

Kurns went to the Oval Office while Dick and Bryce went to the bunker since that apparently seemed to be Trump’s favorite place in the Whitehouse. But unexpectedly, Kurns found the Donald Duck under the office in the Oval, tweeting away on his iPhone 4s. 

“Mr. Racist,” she called and he immediately turned to look at her. 

“What? I’m tremendously busy if you can’t tell.” 

“I see that, Mr. Pigman.” 

“That is hugely racist towards me. I happen to be winning very bigly at the moment. I’m trending on Twitter!” He said proudly, he then proceeded to show Kurns his crusty ass phone. 

“Come on, I have some candy for you if you come with me,” Kurns coaxed him out from under the desk and led him to the white van they had brought with them, you know, the kind your parents warn you to stay away from. 

“Fake news!” Trump exclaimed with a huff. “You must be friends with sleepy Joe.” 

“You’re right,” she winked. 

“You know, frankly, this doesn’t make America great.” 

“I disagree, I think this definitely makes America great again,” Kurns retaliated. 

“Does Mikey know about this?” 

“Yeah, we planned it with the fly,” she snickered. 

“Well, it’s fake news, believe me.” 

“What?” 

“Nothing you libtards wouldn’t understand it anyways. Anyways, what's that thing on your face?” 

“My mask?” 

“Yeah, what’s that for?” 

Kurns shook her head, not even being surprised by the question. “We’re in the middle of a pandemic, Donald Dump.” 

“What’s a panoramic?” 

“Don’t worry about it.” She got out her walkie talkie to talk to the boys. “The orange has expired. Over,” she said, their code word for getting Trump out. 

“Okay, bet, we’re on our way out. Over.” 

“Good job, K!” Dick said. 

“See you soon and thanks! Over.” 

Fifteen minutes later, Dick and Bryce arrived with a six foot cutout of Donald. 

“What the fuck is that?” 

“Hey, that’s me!” Trump chimed in. 

“Shut the fuck up,” Kurns said, she was quickly losing brain cells being in his proximity. 

“That is rude, quite frankly.” 

“We found it in his bedroom… along with some other, uh, questionable things,” Bryce explained. 

“Like what?”

“Like a, uh, dildo with Pence on it.” 

“Ew…” they all turned to look at Trump who was looking away and whistling, trying to pretend he wasn’t there. 

“Oh, um, about that. That was a tremendous invasion of privacy.” 

“Shut the fuck up,” they all said in unison and he pulled an imaginary zipper over his lips and threw away the key like a literal child. 

“I can’t be near him anymore,” Kurns said suddenly, getting out her phone to call someone. 

“Who are you calling?” Dick asked. 

“Joe, I was gonna invite him to go get some ice cream.” 

“OMG! I wanna go too!” Bryce exclaimed. 

“And me!” Trump said. 

“No, to both of you. You two have to keep an eye on Don and make sure he stays off of Twitter.” She was explaining when Joe picked up the phone. “Hey, Joe, do you want to go get ice cream somewhere?” 

“Duh! Taylor is actually here right now and you don’t care if she comes do you?” He asked to make sure. 

“Of course not! You can bring Champ and Major too! I know Jill is busy right now.” 

“Okay! On our way!” He said before hanging up. 

“Where are you going to go?” 

“Probably McDonald’s or something, Taylor is also coming with us, he said.”

“YOU MEAN THE TAYLOR?” Bryce asked in shock. 

“Yeah, him and Taylor are like BFF’s.” 

“I still like her music 25% less, okay?” Donald brought up. 

“Shut the fuck up,” Kurns said again. 

“Fine, fine. But could you make sure Barron is fed?” 

“Oop,” Bryce slapped his hand over his mouth. 

“Yes, now shut up.” 

Kurns was getting ready to go meet Joe and Taylor when Melania walked up to the van. “You have Trump?” She asked quietly. 

“Yeah, why? You need him?” 

“Yeah, could you make him sign this?” She placed some papers in Kurns hand. She read them and wasn’t shocked after realizing they were divorce papers. 

“No problem, hold tight real quick. Dick, make him sign these!” 

“Of course, ladybug.” He took a hold of Trump’s hand and wrote his name for him since he wouldn’t do it himself. 

“Here you go,” Kurns handed the papers back to Melania and she left without looking back. “Okay, I’m leaving. Be careful with that moron and for the love of God, don’t let his supporters know you have him.” 

“Roger that!” Bryce responded. 

“Don’t worry, vanilla brown sugar! We’ll hold down the fort while you’re gone. Have fun!” He called after her. 

She met Joe and Taylor at a local McDonald’s and greeted both of them with a hug. “Congratulations on winning the election and congratulations on album number ten!” She reached down to pet both of the German Shepherds who happily wagged their tails. 

“Thanks!” They replied in unison. 

“So how are the boys?” Taylor asked. 

“Good! They sent their regards. They’re actually, uh, holdingtrumphostage,” she said fast enough so hopefully they couldn’t understand but they are actually educated. 

“WHAT?” Joe exclaimed. 

“Miss gurl, how did y’all pull that off?” Taylor asked while hysterically laughing. 

“It was easier than I thought! Either security sucks or they wanted Trump gone and I can’t blame them for that.” 

“Amen sister!” Joe replied. 

“Can we see him?” Taylor asked. 

“I mean, yeah if you want!” 

“Okay let’s go!” She went to get up when Joe gently grabbed her arm. 

“But the ice cream…” He reminded her. 

“Of course, how could I forget?” She playfully rolled her eyes. They all ate their ice cream before heading back to the Whitehouse. 

Once arriving, Taylor and Joe headed straight to the front doors while Kurns stood there like 🧍‍♀️. “Hey guys, he's actually right there,” she said, pointing to the white van. 

Taylor opened the door to find Bryce half asleep on the ground, Dick was listening to ‘Girls Just Wanna Have Fun’ and dancing in his seat meanwhile, Donald had his lips glued to the side of the door, making out with it. 

“What the fuck?” All three of them asked at the same time. 

“OMG TAYLOR! HI! HOW ARE YOU?” Bryce shouted, jumping up off of the floor and pulling her into a hug. 

“Hi!” 

“Hello, Ms. Swift,” Dick greeted, gracefully bowing. “Mr. President,” he nodded. 

“How did you all meet?” Don asked. 

“We actually just met, our hate for you is what we bond over!” Joe explained in terms he would understand. Hopefully. 

“Oh,” was all he said and started to play with his fingers. “I don’t know if you knew this, but Washington D.C. is actually the capital of the United Stats. Did you know that?”

“What did you think it was? And it’s the United States, not… Stats.” Kurns asked in a surprisingly concerning tone. 

“I thought it was like a stat… or well state. Whatever it is.” 

“Oh,” Kurns said while Taylor called him an idiot under her breath. 

“That’s embarrassing miss gurl,” Bryce chimed in. 

“ARE YOU TALKING TIKTOK TO ME? I WILL BAN YOU,” Trump threatened. 

“Please, these empty promises you keep making are getting really old just like your term,” Dick said, making the others die of laughter… no literally, some Trump supporter that had been walking by had just collapsed and died. 

“And I oop-” Kurns and Bryce said at the same time. 

“IFHCBXNZNZ, HAHAHAHA,” Bryce barked out. 

“Can we get something to eat? I really want some Dino nuggies 🥺,” Trump pleaded. 

“No,” they all replied. 

“So what are we going to do with him?” Taylor asked. 

“I don’t know, what do y’all want to do with him?” 

“Excellent question, K, I say we feed him to some alligators!” Bryce exclaimed, flapping his two arms together to make an alligator jaw and started running towards Donald who jumped back in fear. 

“That’s not nice,” he pouted, a lone tear trickling down his cheek. 

“Fuck you, but not literally or physically,” Taylor said, making sure to explain what she meant. 

“I want some My Little Pony gummies!” 

“Me too!” Donald said with a smile now on his crusty, orange ass face. 

“No,” they replied again. 

“Fine,” he crossed his arms over his chest and turned his back to them, like the toddler he is. 

“Anyways, y’all want to go get Cookout?” Kurns suggested. 

“Yeah, of course!” Joe responded. 

The five of them headed to the nearest Cookout to get food and milkshakes, leaving Trump behind all alone. After hanging out with Taylor and Joe, it was unfortunately time to head back to North Delanois. With promises to meet up soon, the trio were soon enough taking off at the airport. 

“What ended up happening to Trump?” Bryce asked seriously. 

“He went to prison.” 

“As he should, period,” Kurns said with a smirk. 

“What are we going to do when we land?”

“Sleep!” Kurns and Bryce said. 

“Of course, my love doves. I’m going to try to do that right now, so please try to get along.” 

“Promise!” Kurns said, holding out her pinky finger which he took and kissed. The rest of the flight was surprisingly peaceful, Kurns and Bryce were able to get along while Dick slept. It had been a fun trip, one they hoped they would actually never have to make again. 

Tags: @burnsoslow @ao719 @callmeellabella @rigatonireid because no one else should have to read this :)

[metalandmagi]

October Media Madness!

It’s the last day of the month, so you know what that means! What-no not Halloween! It’s time to see how one person wasted their time this month by keeping track of all the media they consumed! And if you thought October would mean a lot of horror movies and books and TV shows...you are going to be very disappointed because I’m a fucking wimp who hates horror.

September media

Movies!

Scott Pilgrim vs. the World: Scott Pilgrim, aka the most intentionally unlikable protagonist ever, has to defeat the seven evil ex-boy...uh I mean exes of the cool girl he’s dating. Yeah, I’m super late to the Edgar Wright party, but since this movie was finally available on Netflix I figured it was time. And it’s pretty good aside from the fact that Scott is the worst. But at least he owns up to it in the end. It’s crazy over the top ridiculous, has tons of little details that film theorists love to salivate over, and Scott’s roommate Wallace is hilarious. I just wish I could hear what Michael Cera says half the time. Oh well, there’s nothing good or bad I can say about this movie that hasn’t been said before. 8/10

Coraline: Coraline Jones, an imaginative young girl with inattentive parents who has just moved into a new apartment, discovers a secret door that leads to a world where everything is better, and everyone has buttons for eyes. However, under the perfect exterior, things are more sinister than they seem. I got the urge to re-watch this because it’s freaking October, and although I don’t watch horror movies, I felt obligated to watch something at least kind of Halloween-ish. And I stand by my long held opinion that this is the all time creepiest movie marketed for children ever made. Literally everything about this movie is creepy. There’s creepy music, creepy dolls being made and following people around, creepy cats, creepy people with buttons for eyes, creepy ghosts of children, creepy children with their mouths shown shut...the list is endless. And Laika never fails to make beautifully animated stop motion. 9/10

Sierra Burgess is a Loser: The latest film in Netflix’s attempt to dominate the rom-com genre, in which an unpopular high school girl ends up texting a handsome jock while leading him to believe he is texting a gorgeous cheerleader named Veronica who also goes to her school.

Okay, this isn’t a bad movie, so let me start with the good. I appreciate the message of how you need to make yourself stand out to colleges and how high school in general is becoming a toxic competitive environment. There’s a lot of good material about living up to expectations and stereotypes, both from Sierra’s side and her partner in crime Veronica’s. And speaking of Veronica, I was completely blindsided by how much of a great character she was and how much she grew throughout the film. I also liked Sierra’s best friend and the love interest, even if they were a little generic.

That being said...I didn’t like Sierra. When main characters intentionally lead people on for no good reason (and thinking some guy you’ve just met isn’t going to text you back because you’re not “conventionally attractive” is not a good reason) it annoys the hell out of me. Not only does she lie through texting him, but she and Veronica lie to his face multiple times. She also does something really horrible to Veronica because of a misunderstanding that could have been avoided if she taken five seconds to use some common sense. She also thinks she’s above doing a simple homework assignment for her poetry class because she wants to be different. I realize she needs to stand out in order to get recommendations for college, but come on. And finally, when she’s upset about how she looks, she blames her parents because her mom is attractive??? Yes it is frustrating to have these brilliant “conventionally attractive” parents, but they always try to build her up, as opposed to Veronica’s mother who only tears her down. I DID NOT HATE HER CHARACTER, but I think she could have been portrayed better. The other major thing that bothered me is that there is the complete lack of proper conflict resolution. All the problems and hurt feelings just magically go away in order to have a happy ending. Overall, the movie’s just okay. 7/10

Howl’s Moving Castle: Sophie, an ordinary girl who gets cursed by a witch, turns into an old woman and ends up working for a wizard who steals hearts. It feels like Studio Ghibli’s version of beauty and the beast, except Howl is the beauty with a questionable personality, and Sophie is the “beast” who whips him into shape...until the second half of the movie anyway. I’d prefer to watch an entire movie of old woman Sophie interacting with the other characters rather than deal with the war aspect of the plot. Anyway, the animation is awesome, and I appreciate the English voice cast...except for the fact that no one had the good sense to use Crispin Freeman as Howl instead of just having him as Turnip-Head! I know lots of people have talked about the differences between the book and the movie, but I like how the movie portrays that even though being old is physically painful, it can also be emotionally freeing. Either way I think Sophie is a great character with a fun sense of humor! 8/10

First Man: The story of Neil Armstrong and the years leading up to the moon landing...which apparently a lot of people didn’t like? Some people are butthurt about there not being a shot of planting the flag (which if they actually saw the movie they would know the focus of the scenes on the moon were to show Armstrong dealing with wonder and grief, NOT rallying together as Americans). Some people are unhappy that an American hero can be portrayed so negatively, and some people just thought it was boring and dragged a lot…

Okay, yes, the movie is a drama that does not portray Armstrong in a glowing light, and yes there are certain scenes that go on too long. BUT I really liked this movie...and this is coming from someone who doesn’t like Ryan Gosling. It is a family drama that captures how different people respond to grief and stress set in the backdrop of the space race. I also liked learning about this period in history and the controversy around the space program in general. It was beautifully shot and had very creative music choices, which was the main reason I saw it in theaters. I came away from it awed and terrified that we basically sent these people to the moon in freaking tin cans, and that in the sixties men shunned their emotions so much that they wouldn’t hug their children before going to space! Overall, it was good in a solid way, but it did drag a bit. 7.5/10

Mama Mia: Another protagonist named Sophie is getting married and invites the three men who could each possibly be her father to the wedding. But who cares about the plot, the main purpose of the film is to show women having fun with their friends! This movie...isn’t exactly good, but it 100% knows what it wants to be and accomplishes that. It’s a wacky, ridiculous, musical romp that people only watch with their friends when they’re plastered because they want to hear ABBA songs. It’s the very definition of a guilty pleasure movie, and there’s nothing wrong with that. I will say that it’s harder for me to relate to because I don’t have friends that I act this ridiculous with, and sometimes it gets to be a bit much. Although, I have seen the Broadway musical and remember absolutely loving every minute of it...so maybe it’s just the movie overplaying it. Oh well, it’s just something fun to have on in the background or watch when you need cheering up! It’s a 9/10 for being accomplishing what it wants and a 6/10 as an actual movie.

Ant-Man and the Wasp: In this Marvel filler episode between Infinity War and Captain Marvel, Scott is under house arrest and Hope tries to get her mother out of the quantum realm. Okay, this was a fun movie with some great moments, but it definitely had its issues. For a movie called Ant-Man and the Wasp, the two did not do much fighting together...or at all until the end. It felt more like an origin to their partnership than a team up movie (and I’d rather have a Wasp and Black Widow team up movie...or all the Marvel women team up movie). It also couldn’t figure out who the villain should be. It’s like they realized half way through writing it that Ghost was way too sympathetic and cool and had to come up with a bunch of more forgettable villains. And because this was more of a hot potato rather than a heist, I didn’t think it was as fun as the first movie overall. HOWEVER I still really enjoyed the inventive action and the characters. I will always watch 2 hours of Evangeline Lilly kicking ass, and Paul Rudd being himself. And I am convinced that Marvel is using The Adventure Zone route of needing competent women to solve everyone’s problems. But the heart of the movie is really family. Hank and Hope, Scott and his daughter, and even Ghost all had very compelling stories that drew me in every time. And that post credits scene...I knew it was coming, but come on! Marvel is the only current studio who can basically do a horror movie “The End…?” in their credits now. 7.5/10

The Chronicles of Narnia-The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe: The Disney version of the classic C.S. Lewis book; come on we all know the story. Okay, I watched this for the first time in several years because I also read the book this month. And holy cow, when you see what material the movie had to work with, this is a freaking masterpiece. It takes a very simple children’s book and turns it into an epic fantasy! The score, the little details, and the setting are all perfect. All the characters are so real and fleshed out AND ACCURATELY PORTRAYED FOR THEIR AGES! All four siblings are struggling with something, and the actors do a great job considering they were actual children while making this! I am so angry that Disney let this property’s potential slip through their fingers because I truly believe that if they kept making movies like this, it could have been their Harry Potter by now. Prince Caspian was also excellent, though I don’t remember much of Dawn Treader, but I think if they put the money and effort into continuing this franchise it could have been great.

One thing I don’t appreciate about the movie is how they reduce Edmund’s mental journey. I have always especially loved Edmund as a character, and something the movie fails to mention is the fact that APPARENTLY in the book the Turkish Delight is enchanted to make whoever eats it think only of eating more and more until THEY EAT SO MUCH THAT THEY DIE?! He’s not just a greedy kid. And there’s a lot more to his time with the Witch that makes his actions easier to understand. Anyway it definitely goes down as one of the best book to movie adaptations I’ve ever seen, and it is on my very short list of movies that are better than the books. 10/10

Books!

The Chronicles of Narnia- The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe by C.S. Lewis: It’s the first Narnia book; we all know the plot. I am one of the many people who had this series read to them as a kid, but it’s been like...eleven years since I actually read these books for myself. Even then I only got to The Horse and His Boy before stopping because it was boring as hell. I’ve been wanting to re-read the series all year, and with only the Disney movies in recent memory, imagine my surprise when I found out that Lewis’s writing style is absolutely bananas! I think he’s acting as some omniscient narrator, but his style is so stream of consciousness it’s hilarious! He constantly addresses the audience in these 2007 fanfiction author-esque asides. The Pevensies are the most posh, old-timey sounding British kids ever, and it’s amazing to visualize children that actually speak like this. Everything happens so quickly because it is 100% meant to be a children’s story, not this epic adventure we all associate with the movies. So...if you’ve never read it before definitely check it out just to discover how utterly wild everything is. My only real complaint is that it’s kinda sexist, and no one except for Edmund gets a character arc. Even though Susan gets a bow and Lucy gets a dagger, they’re treated like they shouldn’t be fighting because they’re girls and not...oh I don’t know...because they’re children! 7/10

The Ladies Guide to Petticoats and Piracy by Mackenzie Lee: The second installment of...idk...the “Guide” series? I talked about the first book, The Gentleman’s Guide to Vice and Virtue in my May Media Madness, and this book is just as good! This series takes place in the 1700s, and while the first book follows arrogant bisexual disaster Monty, his (boy)friend Percy, and his sister Felicity through a romp across Europe, this book follows Felicity and her friends on a...let’s just say “scientific expedition” involving pirates. The less you know about the plot going in the better. And did I mention her friends include a badass Muslim pirate princess and an Elle Woods-esque dog loving naturalist? And also did I mention Felicity is CANONICALLY revealed as ARO/ACE?! It’s strongly hinted at in the first book, and in this book Mackenzi Lee basically shoves any doubt about it out the window. It’s fun, hilarious, and also heartbreaking at the same because of all the challenges each character faces because they’re ambitious women in this time period. Sometimes it feels a little heavy handed in its feminist messages, but you can’t deny it’s not accurate. I’m really only saying that because I am a woman, and the struggles are nothing I haven’t seen or read before.  Anyway, this is a fantastic series that I highly recommend to anyone looking for a fun read, and it gets bonus points for including Monty and Percy being disgustingly in love together! 1000/10

Dear Evan Hansen the Novel by Val Emmich (and also Steven Levenson, Benj Pasek, and Justin Paul):

Buckle up.

I really love the Dear Evan Hansen musical (which I talked about in my August Media Madness.) The novel is almost a word for word adaptation of the musical, in which Evan, a teenager with anxiety, writes a letter to himself that is stolen by a boy who commits suicide, leading everyone to believe Evan and the boy, Connor, were best friends because they assume Connor wrote the letter to Evan. There is a lot I could say about this adaptation, but the number one thing is: I really don’t know if people who haven’t seen the musical or heard the soundtrack will like it as much. The strength of Dear Evan Hansen is mainly in its performances and its music, and while they tried to work the music in as best they could, I enjoyed the story more because I can link it back to the actors’ performances. Yes, the story is interesting and the message is important, but I honestly don’t know how much people going in blind will like the writing and how the characters are portrayed. Overall, it seemed like a well written fanfic- in a good way, not a Harry Potter and the Cursed Child way. That being said, I did really enjoy a lot of things about this book. They expanded on a lot about Evan’s relationship with his absent father and the aftermath of the big lie. They also expanded on a lot about Connor…

I honestly don’t know how I feel about Ghost Connor. Yes, I’m glad Connor shows up as a ghost in the book. What he doesn’t do is ACTUALLY INTERACT WITH EVAN...LIKE AT ALL! The best parts of the show are when Connor, as a figment of Evan’s imagination acts as a comedic buffer and his “moral center.” However, here ghost Connor exists to give snippets of Connor’s life. He barely comments on what Evan is doing at all even though he sees everything. All of Connor’s sections made me feel like the author was going through the DEH tag on AO3 and picking things to throw in. I liked his sections, but the writers really missed the more entertaining story of having Connor actually commenting about the shit Evan is doing.

So overall, I’d say watch the musical if you can find a bootleg, or at least listen to the soundtrack and then read the book. It was very enjoyable, although I think the ending dragged a bit in its quest to give more closure than the musical. 8.5/10

Bonus Manga

Shimanami Tasogare: Tasuku Kaname, a closeted boy starting his first year of high school meets a mysterious woman named Anonymous who helps him finds solace in a lounge run by other members of the LGBT+ community. This is the kind of manga that really hits and misses for me. It does a great job at portraying the struggles of a community with different sexualities and gender identities, and it has some really great characters and beautiful moments that I really think would be even better animated. But there are some character arcs that I feel are really...incomplete. It feels like the author was rushed into finishing the manga and did the best they could, but certain characters come off as major hypocrites or suddenly act like their arcs never happened. I also appreciate having an asexual character play such a big role, but the chapter where she talks about her identity as a person is just kind of...bizarre. Not to mention I barely understood what was happening for the first couple chapters because everything Anonymous says is so vague. There’s a lot I could say about this manga, but really I think it’s something everyone should read for themselves (and you’ll definitely need your tissue boxes). 8/10

TV Shows!

Arrested Development: “The story of a wealthy family who lost everything and the one son who had no choice but to keep them all together.” Aka Ron Howard narrates the shenanigans of the worst people you’ll ever see. Yes, I finally got around to watching this, and yes the first three seasons are hilarious. It’s got the same beats as a soap opera (twins, adoption, losing limbs in seal attacks), but in a sitcom format it’s genius. The fourth and fifth (or at least what there is of the fifth) are just nothing special in my opinion. I thought the fourth season was structured terribly, and once the family starts getting into politics the show tries to be a form of satire that just doesn’t work for it. Plus I live with a family of Trump supporters; so it’s not as funny when you have to live with the racist people the show is making fun of who take all the “wall” stuff seriously. 8/10

Documental: A Japanese...social experiment/documentary/game show type thing on Amazon Prime wherein 10 comedians all get locked in a room together and attempt to make each other laugh without laughing themselves. The twist is each of them contribute 1 million yen to play, and the winner gets the pot of 10 million yen. In the first season, the show is more interesting as a social experiment than it is funny. You’ll like it if you like Japanese comedy. But the thing about Japanese comedy is...well, just picture an episode of Osomatsu-san, with all the disgusting and bizarre shit they do, and then picture real people. Though I do love seeing the faces everyone makes when they’re trying not to laugh! HOWEVER, the second season is so much better. I was laughing so much every episode that it hardly felt like the same show. They also changed the format a little so there would definitely be a winner at the end of the time. There’s still gross weird shit, but it’s a much better season. I give season 1 a 6/10 and season 2 an 8.5/10

Over the Garden Wall: In case you’ve been skipping the entire season of autumn since 2014, OTGW is a 10 episode miniseries that aired on Cartoon Network detailing the journey of two brothers Wirt and Greg who are lost in a mysterious wood called “The Unknown.” But really the whole thing is like a stuck in Purgatory story. It’s one of those shows that goes from adorable and funny to dark as fuck real quick. I think it’s impossible to go through the fall season without watching this at least once. This is another one of those things where there’s nothing I can say about it that hasn’t already been said. The atmosphere is perfect for Halloween, the characters are great (Elijah Wood voices Wirt, and it’s the best), and there are so many hidden clues that after it aired we all demanded a Gravity Falls crossover…

I could go on. This show is perfect except for the unnecessarily silly school teacher episode...and fact that it goes by too fast...and also the fact that now I know Elijah Wood has an adorable singing voice, and I’m salty that he didn’t really sing in Lord of the Rings. This is the atmospheric “watch it once a year” type of show that we desperately need more of...it doesn’t have to be the same characters or even have the same messages, but dang it Cartoon Network you can’t just give us this masterpiece and walk away!!! 10/10

Yuri On Ice: Yes, the figure skating anime. This is Tumblr so I doubt I need to post the summary of the show, but I do talk about it in my Hufflepuff Anime recommendations post. Since I couldn’t watch the Yuri On Ice marathon (which was coincidentally held on my birthday!) I decided to have my own dang marathon. There’s just so much to love about this anime: the music, the animation, the characters, the diversity, the humor, and the accuracy to the sport. But I think the main reason I love this show so much is because, as someone who watches a lot of sports anime, I really appreciate this show doing something different and focusing on ADULTS WHO ACTUALLY RELY ON THE SPORT AS A CAREER and using drama that way instead of the main source of angst being “we have to win the match for our senpai!” This is one of those shows you can watch a million times and still find new things to love! 10/10

Podcasts!

I don’t know why I made a separate section for this, since I only listened to one.

Hey Riddle Riddle: A podcast with three hosts that go talk about riddles and puzzles (aka puzzies and riddies) and role play various ridiculous answers to them. I started listening to it because Justin McElroy was on an episode, and it was pretty funny. The podcast is interesting and entertaining, except for the fact that sometimes their role playing and improve can go on for too long, and they don’t know when to let a joke die. Also one of the co-hosts is really annoying, but the other two make up for it. 8/10

Honorable Mentions

Camp Camp released a Halloween episode called Arrival of the Torso Takers and I watched it...probably four times...I don’t have a problem.

Some shows I watch on actual television came back this fall! Bob’s Burgers, Crazy Ex Girlfriend, Fresh Off the Boat, Speechless, Modern Family (yes I still watch that), and The Good Place!

I don’t know if this was a leak or what, but there’s a new My Little Pony christmas Hearthswarming special, and guys...I thought it was pretty great. Say what you want about this show, but it knows how to do holiday episodes. Anyone who has been a fan for a long time or even fans who have fallen off the show will probably love it. It’s very sweet and never went in the direction I thought it would.

And last but not least, shout out to all the anime coming out this fall...there’s just...so much to watch...please help...

[hamburgergod]

*posts Halloween fic in July*

the installment of orange and grapefruit verse you’ve all been waiting for! where Cas -- a human-harpy hybrid -- finds out about Halloween, midterms happen, and Dean helps Cas celebrate Halloween to his best abilities. ~3.5k

[AO3]

They’re just about done with their groceries, and Dean is making sure they got everything they need, when Cas decides to stop in front of a mechanical ghoul doll that says step here. One of those things people put on their front lawns for Halloween.

Cas reads the sign, and politely steps onto where it tells him to. The ghoul shrills ominously.

Dean stops him from almost ripping the ghoul’s head off.

“That was entirely unnecessary,” Cas says with a scowl, after Dean calms him down. Dean only doesn’t laugh because Cas is already so angry; he figures if he can see Cas’s wings right now, they’d be all puffed up. “What’s the point of that thing?”

“It’s for Halloween,” he gestures towards the HALLOWEEN section behind them. Cas stares back blankly. “Gonna go on a limb here and assume you don’t know what Halloween is.”

“I know about it. Sort of.” They move up the check-out line. “It’s when the boundaries between realms thin, and humans wear masks to blend in and prevent being killed.”

“Uh, I guess.”

“I’m not really sure where all the chocolate comes into play.”

Dean starts loading up their stuff onto the conveyor belt. Cas helps. “People don’t dress up for that purpose so much anymore, and the chocolate thing—wait,” Dean lowers his voice, “do the gaps thin during Halloween? Are there alternate realms? Is that actually a thing?”

Cas shrugs. “I don’t know,” he adds helpfully.

“Oh. Okay, then.”

They pay for their stuff, and head back to the bus stop. “So you never did Halloween before.”

“What does ‘doing Halloween’ involve, exactly?”

Dean thinks about all those times mom took him and Sam out for trick-or-treating, going to haunted houses, handing candy out on nights he didn’t feel like going out, carving pumpkins, et cetera. He tells him about the time Sam tripped over his cape when he went as king Arthur one year. “He decided to go as a street magician the year after, and dumbass did the exact same thing with his cape. Don’t think he’s worn one with a cape since.”

Their bus comes then, and they lug their groceries to their seats. “So, yeah,” Dean continues. “It’s mostly going around in costume getting chocolate from your neighbours and carving out pumpkins when you’re a kid.”

Cas thinks this over. “And when you’re not a child?”

“You can hand chocolate out, or it’s mostly going around in costume getting drunk.”

“Hmm.”

When they go to the store together the next week, Dean brings a pack of jack-o-lantern shaped sugar cookies to Cas’s attention.

“I know about these,” Cas replies.

“Yeah?” Dean pops it into their cart, and they move on from the bakery section.

“A man named Jack trapped Satan up on a tree and refused to let him down until he promised to never take his soul—”

“Not today, Satan,” Dean mutters.

“—and Jack won. So when he died and was refused by heaven for his sinful life, Satan gave him a coal burning with hellfire, and Jack carved out a turnip to keep it lit. He wanders with his lantern ever since.”

“Huh. Cool. I think I heard that somewhere. Never knew the details before, though.” Dean eyes the corn, picks one up, and stares at the sign. Hmm, five for one. He beckons Cas towards him. “Let’s get ten of these.”

After making sure Cas checks the corn before he shucks it for the taking, and after halfway through shucking his third corn, Dean puts a finger to it. “Have you been looking stuff up on Halloween?”

“Mostly just Wikipedia,” Cas admits. He puts a feeble-looking corn in the bag, and Dean internally winces. Oh well, he’ll learn one day. “It was still interesting to read about. Did you know that some think trick-or-treating originates from the practice of giving out soul cakes for children and the poor during Halloween and Christmas?”

It’s almost like he’s been waiting to be asked, since Cas goes on and on about all these things about Halloween during their entire way back home, and over dinner. They eat the jack-o-lantern shaped cookies for dessert, and Cas’s smile matches the one on the cookie he holds. He supposes it’ll technically be Cas’s first proper Halloween, so it’d be a shame if Dean’s not a cool roommate who doesn’t care about whether Cas spends his first proper Halloween in a proper Halloween way or not.

Lucky for Cas, Dean is the coolest roommate.

He manages to find the time to stop by the dollar store and scout for deco. None of the blatantly corny looking shit, but still authentic enough that Dean’s willing to put it in their house. It’s not much; just some Halloween stickers that goes on the windows, those pumpkin necklaces that light up he figures they can hang on things, spider webs and little plastic spiders, and one bigger spider doll.

Dean’s wondering if he should start on decorating or if he should wait for Cas, when Cas solves his little conundrum by coming back just then to find Dean sitting in the living room, staring at a set of stickers.

“Hey, Cas,” Dean grins up as Cas takes in the scene.

“Hello, Dean.” Cas slides his bag off. “What is this?”

“Halloween’s close, so I figured, why not?”

Dean swears that Cas beams, and they get started right away. Cas is scarily efficient at it, somehow already knowing exactly where he wants most of the stuff. The lights go on top of the TV, they try to stick the spider webs on the corners of the wall with tape and fail spectacularly so it goes anywhere they can drape them on their furniture, and the spider doll goes on the top of the fridge.

“So it can look down on its prey,” Cas explains.

“And we’re the prey?”

“We’re the prey,” Cas nods seriously.

They do argue a little over the stickers, mainly in that Cas can’t decide on where to put them on.

“Cas, anywhere on the windows is fine,” Dean says for the hundredth time.

“Dean, you don’t understand.” Cas clutches at the sheet of stickers. “This is a huge responsibility.”

The stickers—a bat, a jack-o-lantern, and a ghost—end up on the corner of their living room window by the balcony door.

“Lookin’ good,” Dean grins, and Cas smiles with him.

“Thank you, Dean.”

It’s weird; every time Dean walks into the living room, he remembers the decorations and admires it for few seconds. It’s not like there’s much of it, and it’s not really that big of a deal, but he’s never done stuff like this with his roommates last year.

Sort of weird how Dean knew for sure that his gesture wouldn’t have gone unappreciated, that they’ll always be welcomed. Cas isn’t even wholly human, but how many people in his life can he say that about?

Yeah. Sort of weird.

-

Dean’s not able to find the time to set aside to think over a proper, home-made costume this year despite Halloween fast approaching, bombarded with midterms and projects right beforehand (and isn’t that a shame, and he puts aside his real pure panic over growing up real fast). But it’s cool, since he’s going as a generic cowboy, and cowboys are always cool no matter how generic it is.

Halloween is actually on a Saturday this year, which means midterms until the Friday if profs are nice, and midterms on the following Monday if profs are dicks. Thankfully, the former is the case for everyone he knows (except himself, who has a midterm on Saturday, which is bullshit, and molecular bio is bullshit), which means everyone’s free to party on Halloween.

Dean’s counting on all of these factors when he asks Cas as casually as he can possibly manage, “Hey, so if you don’t have any plans, you wanna come to Charlie’s Halloween party Saturday night?”

It’s good that he waited until after Cas is done pouring hot water into his mug, because he’s staring at him like Dean just asked him to marry him.

“You’re okay with that?” Cas asks, and it’s Dean’s turn to blink.

“I mean, I wouldn’t have asked you if I wasn’t,” Dean jokes, but Cas is putting the kettle down with a serious frown on his face, and Dean feels a heart-to-heart talk coming. Did he do something wrong?

“Uh.” Well, Dean didn’t prepare for this. He mostly expected Cas to be over the moon about getting to do something Halloween-y again. “You can say no if you don’t want to.”

“I’m not human, Dean,” Cas says slowly, like Dean hasn’t known that for the past whole month already. “Your close friends will be there.”

“Yeah,” Dean replies, still kinda clueless about where this is going. “So?”

“So.” Cas hesitates, and shrugs. “It wouldn’t be right.”

Dean blinks rapidly, trying to process this new info, but mostly it’s making the dial-up sound while a lot of question marks fill up his brain. He gives up. “What are you talking about? Is this a harpy thing? Am I stepping boundaries here?”

“No. Well—yes. Mainly in that I’m not completely human.” Cas’s shoulders slump. “This party is important to you. Why would I…”

“Dude, Cas,” Dean says, “it’s just a small party. It’s going to be me and few buddies, and we’ll grab some pizza, watch a cheesy old movie, that sort of deal.” Cas still doesn’t look at him, which isn’t the best sign, and, well, this sort of hesitation is new. “Cas?”

“I’ve never been to a party,” Cas mumbles. “I never had the occasion, and I wouldn’t know what to do.”

“That’s fine!” Dean laughs, though he doesn’t mean to sound rude about it. Cas, however, glares. “Cas, of course you don’t know jack shit about how humans do things. I don’t know how harpies party, but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t try new things.”

“I don’t really know how harpies party either,” Cas helpfully points out. “Except maybe the occasional family gatherings.”

“Cas. Buddy. Pal.” Dean pats him on the shoulder. “That is exactly why you gotta come! C’mon, what d’you say, huh?”

Cas stares at him, and he huffs at his face (rude). The corner of his lips quirk up slightly. “Alright.”

Dean grins. “Yeah?”

“Yes,” Cas replies. “But I don’t have a costume, and I don’t think we have time to find something for me.”

“You can borrow mine,” he says quickly. “I was going to use one of Charlie’s, anyway.” Dean glances at the clock. It’s eight at night, and they still got few hours before some of the costume stores and thrift stores around town to close. Dean does have a midterm tomorrow and he’d be in a bit of a tight spot, but he might just have enough time management skills in him yet to work with whatever time he has left after costume shopping. “Unless you want to try to find something for yourself…?”

“No, that’s fine. We both have a midterm tomorrow, so I’d rather not.” Cas smiles. “You were going as the cowman, right?”

“Cowboy,” Dean corrects, and thumps him on the shoulder few times. “Dude, I’m stoked! I can’t wait ‘til you meet everyone.”

“Me too.” Cas beams, standing there with his cup of coffee in hand, his hair still ruffled from unconsciously running his hands through it while he looked over his notes. Dean wants to reach over and flick at the strands that are standing up. “Thank you, Dean.”

“Don’t mention it,” Dean nudges. “Study hard, so we can party hard, alright?”

Cas nods, and Dean watches him retreat back into his room. He makes himself a cup of hot chocolate with a little bit of the instant coffee mix they have, and sit back down in front of his desk himself.

Maybe now he’ll be able to focus on studying.

-

Dean’s midterms come and go, and he finds out just how much he hates molecular bio all over again, but he’s quick to put that behind him now that he’s free for the weekend.

He has a slight bounce to his steps on his way back, no worries for tomorrow and nothing to do tonight except to hang out with good company and chill. Needless to say that he’s wholly unprepared for the sight that greets him when he steps into his apartment.

“Oh, Dean,” Cas turns around casually. His wings are poking out from underneath the dark brown trench coat, relaxed as Cas stretches his arms to the side. “What do you think?”

What does he think. What does Dean Winchester, trademark Bisexual, think of Cas in jeans with a decorative belt buckle and a (toy) gun strapped to the side, a black vest accessorized with a fake pocket watch, with a red scarf tied around his neck and a dark brown cowboy hat sitting just above his dark brows.

“You look good,” he manages. Should’ve just put Cas in a potato sack instead of, whatever, is what he wants to say. “Dude, damn. I’m impressed.” Maybe too far. “Glad that you’re fit. It. It fits you. Glad that it fits you.”

Cas smiles, which is just about the hardest thing for Dean to endure right now. “I won’t have these out, of course,” he says, his wings fluttering a little. “But this is nice.”

Dean laughs. This was a mistake. “The trench coat is a look I never thought would be for you, but hey, maybe next year, you should be Constantine,” he says, and regrets it immediately. He, Dean Winchester, trademark Bisexual, does not have the strength to see Cas in a Constantine outfit.

Cas cocks his head to the side at the mention of someone he’s never heard of before, and Dean leaves him to looking up who Constantine is while he himself gets ready for the party. He’s excited to find that the knight costume is slightly tighter around his shoulders compared to when they ran the Moondoor campaign over the summer. When he steps out of his room, Cas grins.

“Ready for a taste of Halloween?” Dean smiles, and Cas nods. “Okay, then. Let’s go.”

-

Cas meets Charlie, who’s dressed as a Ravenclaw (“Ravenclaw? You are not a Ravenclaw.” “Don’t judge a girl by her house, Dean.”) and has had a lot to say to Dean in private on his choice of costume for Cas (“I just lent him mine, Charlie. Nothing else to it.” “It’d be more convincing if it came from someone who didn’t have the biggest cowboy fetish I’ve ever met.”).

Cas also meets the rest of the nerd club (Jo as a kraken, Ash as goblin king, Victor as Captain America, Jesse as Falcon, and Cesar as Hawkeye), who collectively decide to take turns to bring up one embarrassing thing Dean did during LARPing per person, those sick fuckers. Dean hates that every time there’s someone willing to listen in their nearest vicinity they bring up that one time he fell face-first straight into a puddle, but Cas, surrounded by his friends, steals a glance at Dean and smiles, and the story becomes a hundred times more embarrassing, but, well, it’s alright.

Jesse lets Cas poke at his wings and lift it here and there, letting him inspect it with a smile, and he listens as Cesar explains about the Marvel universe. Cas also listens to Jesse bicker with Victor about how they’re both technically Sam Wilson and how they should’ve discussed this beforehand. Dean can tell that Cas doesn’t understand, and that he’ll have a million questions after this party.  

They play a game of Catan where they don’t miraculously kill each other after, probably because Cas wins. Everybody else calls it a beginner’s luck, but Dean knows better. So doe Charlie apparently, because she tries to scout him into playing for the next time they start a new DnD campaign.

“That sounds fun,” Cas says, glancing at Dean. “Will you be there?”

Dean ignores everyone else’s knowing looks and nods at Cas, because they’re dumb and they don’t know that Cas isn’t some socially inept roommate who’s overly attached to Dean but an actually different species altogether, and that he’s still somewhat hesitant when it comes to joining the rest of humanity, so he needs at least one human he knows to be there for emotional support. Understandably.

After, they all cram into Charlie’s two couches with a box of pizza and a bowl of chocolate bars in front of them, and argue on whether to watch The Haunting or The Rocky Horror Picture Show, and Dean wins with the latter by using the Cas-has-never-watched-it-and-it’s-a-classic-Halloween-movie-so-it’d-be-a-tragedy-if-he-didn’t card.

“It’s more fun at a showing with more people,” Dean says as Charlie hands out the bells, “but these kids are all nerds so you’re probably okay.”

Dean gets a shower of popcorn for that, which is totally unfair, because they all prove his points by throwing rice like confetti and yelling at the top of their lungs on their cues. Cas is bewildered, but he shakes his bell and does the Time Dance even though he has no idea what the hell he’s doing or why, and he laughs while they hop around in Charlie’s living room, and throwing toast and toilet paper in the air. Ash knocks over the pizza box, and he’s banned from standing on the table after that.

After that’s the clean-up, and then back home. Charlie seriously invites Cas to come to their nerd club the next time he’s around, and he thanks her for the invite. Dean watches the exchange as Charlie hugs Cas, and he tears up a little, but that’s really dumb so he’s going to pretend it didn’t happen.

“So,” Dean prompts on their way back, both of them stuffed full of pizza and popcorn and chocolate, “how was it? Your first human party?”

Cas forgot his cowboy hat back at Charlie’s place, and he’s loosened the red scarf around his neck a long time ago. He has it tied onto his belt where he rests one of his hand as they walk back. “It was… enjoyable,” he replies with a nod.

“Ah, don’t be like that. You had so much fun.”

Cas grins. “I did. They all care greatly about you.”

“What?” Dean laughs. “What’s that got to do with this?”

“They tried to make me feel welcome, for you.”

“I guess. They wouldn’t have done that if you were a dick, though.”

Cas laughs, ducking his head a little as the sound echoing low into the night sky. “I guess.”

“Wait, hold on.” There’s a grain of rice stuck on Cas’s hair. “You’ve got a—”

They stop in the middle of the street, and Dean holds his shoulder steadily while he aims for the white grain. Cas’s eyes go together as he looks up at Dean’s hand on his head, and Dean makes the mistake of looking down at Cas while he’s holding him by his shoulder.

There weren’t any alcohol at Charlie’s, but Dean feels like he’s drunk on something, the way his entire body feels light and somehow removed from the rest of the world. It’s a physical feeling, too, a tingle in his chest as he’s suddenly too aware of how empty the rest of the street is, and how easy it would be to just lean over right now and give Cas a kiss.

It’s a fleeting thought, and then it’s gone, as if it hadn’t existed at all. His heart beats steadily as Dean gets out the rest of the grains of rice that was hiding in Cas’s hair. “Did they all pelt their rice at you or something? Why d’you have so much in here?”

Cas chuckles quietly, vibrating with joy as rice falls out of his hair. It’s a sight, alright, and damn does it feel good to make someone happy like this.

“So what was this Marvel Cesar was talking about?” Cas asks.

“Marvel, pff. Wait ‘til you hear about Batman and the rest of DC, dude…”

They walk the rest of the way back, mostly with Dean filling Cas in on everything he knows about Marvel and DC. It’s almost two by the time they’re home, and Halloween is officially over as they retire to their rooms. Dean is changing into his pajamas trying not to think too much about how he did on his midterms when there’s a knock on the door.

Cas pokes out from behind the door, changed out of the costume he’s now holding in his hands. “I just wanted to return this, and thank you for inviting me along,” he says. “So, thank you.”

“Hey, no problem. I had fun.” Dean gives him a good tap on the shoulder. “Besides, that’s what friends are for, right?”

Cas smiles with a nod. “Good night, Dean.”

“Night, Cas.”

Dean stares at the door as it clicks shut. He’s gotten few texts in the group chat on how he should bring Cas for the next club event. He rolls over in his bed.

A good Halloween overall.

[ourlittlebitofnothinguniverse]

Hey for the ask thing, all the questions you're comfortable with answering

oh boy!!! heck yeah fun shit thanks my dude! little did u Kno…… I LOVE oversharing !!! lmao muahahahahaha i’m probably gonna answer all of them thank u for enabling it lmfao

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you?

yah on Rly Bad days

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you?

like… 3.5? i like the dark but,,, ‘m Scare,,,,,

3. The person you would never want to meet?

Orange Turnip

4. What is your favorite word?

it changes tbh,, hm but i can’t think of any rn!

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be?

i’d be….. a nice oak! thicc and full of secrets

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought?

i didn’t lmao reflection what’s that

7. What shirt are you wearing?

i’m wearing the dress i wore to work

8. What do you label yourself as?

annoying or boring lmao but also the Goblin King and that is Good

9. Bright room or dark room?

i still don’t know if this is referring to like paint shade or like the amount of light it gets or like if i sleep in a bright room or dark room so like??? *shrug emoji*

10. What were you doing at midnight last night?

i was?? drawing i think

12. Who told you they loved you last?

i think it was @wrenn-frug​ 💕💖 lov u fren!

13. Your worst enemy?

dunno man probably myself but that sounds cliche so like??? the sun bc it always burns me

14. What is your current desktop picture?

a screenshot from song of the sea!!! lOVE that movie!!!! i’d post it but like?? i don’t think i have it saved anymore or if i do i don’t feel like looking but it’s that one scene where they’re walking thru the pretty field towards the trees and there’s foxes in the corner and she’s playing the shell it’s so pretty,,,,,

15. Do you like someone?

uh yah my cat

16. The last song you listened to?

Young God - Halseygood song lov it,,,,

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?

oraNGE TURNIP

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?

orange turnip my dude i Hate

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do?

uh nobody ????

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional)

my squishy thighs and my fantastic stretch marks (which have taken me YEARS to accept)

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do?

No

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it?

????????????? secret???? talent?????? lemme check, ,, , , *reaches into a bag* nope bitch empt y aint got No Talent lmao

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of?

okay so like this is really dumb and i partially answered this in this ask abt the flushing toilets @ night thing but like to elaborate and make it even more dumb not only am i afraid to flush toilets @ night bc it’s just rly creepy and loud to me (esp if i’ve been asleep) but like,, , sort of in the same vein of fear is that when i was little my older sister told me that there was a ghost in the toilet and if i don’t flush it’ll get me and like i kno it’s not tru but like,,,,,, Sometimes,,,,,, (i must clarify i’m not scared of toilets themselves but like flushing freaks me out sometimes like @ night or if i don’t flush fast enough lmao don’t look @ me i’m a mess)

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal.

Excuse? is this like that i can ONLY eat this sandwich or is it that this is the only sandwich i can ever eat or like i can only ever have one last sandwich bc honestly i’m Not Okay with any of those scenarios no matter how many ingredients i get for the initial creation

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it?

Dream daddy dating simulator lmao uh?? also probably more food for archie bc he is Expensive

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go?

Ireland probably. always wanted to see ireland

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be?

“Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out” like???? no???? if u don’t drink alcohol why would u want a lifetime supply??? unless i could like…. sell it??? whats the Most Expensive kind i’ll just get an unending supply of heavenly Expensive Alcohol to sell for incredibly inflated prices to the rich bc it’s From Heaven and give the money to the poor bc like,,, why not

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?

bitches gotta keep they damn opinions to themselves if they can’t respect somebody’s life based on factors they can’t help (race, religion, orientation, gender etc) also no money like We Don’t Need It i’m so tired of Needing money

29. What is your favorite expletive?

Fuck bc u can use it in So Many situations

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno?

o shit probably the twenty dollar metallic watercolors i got bc shit son??? actually probably like my laptop or smth idk

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

my childhood thx

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world!

this is.. not a questionalthough it is a wonderful scenario

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?

none of them bc if the celestial gates of the beyond is real then all the people i’d want to bring back are probably in a Better Place or something and why would i want to drag them to Hell?

34. What was your last dream about?

Cannot remember to save my life altho i kno it was rly weird and convoluted

35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]?

u did not put anything Here so i will Ignore

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?

Nope

37. Have you ever built a snowman?

yAH it’s fun!

38. What is the color of your socks?

not wearing any

39. What type of music do you like?

A Lot

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?

Sunsets,,, evening is so nice mm m

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor?

chocolate ayyyy

43. Do you have any scars?

a couple but like for Dumb Reasons

44. What do you want to be when you graduate?

I’ve graduated hs but i wanna be an animator when i decide which college to go to

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

my brain pls bartender can i have a Healthy One (correction to favorite word #4: fav word currently is deign)

46. Are you reliable?

i would like to think so

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?

are you happy?

48. Do you hold grudges?

YAH but only if i’ve been Pushed Too Far which is Pretty Damn Far by most ppls standards

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create?

none I am Not a God

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had?

i have had So Many???? the most recent one was two times in a row random ppl i barely knew asked me for my netflix account bc they didnt have one and like…. bro what who R U,,,,, (i had literally only talked to the first guy once for ten minutes on fb)

51. Are you a good liar?

is the sky green? don’t think so

52. How long could you go without talking?

Very Long but like Only on Bad Weeks

53. What has been you worst haircut/style?

None my hair is Magnificent (idk)

54. Have you ever baked your own cake?

like birthday cake? never but i lov to bake cakes so like i bake myself cakes all the time

55. Can you do any accents other than your own?

i am so bad @ accents i can’t even Read in my Head in accents even though i know what the accent Should Sound Like

56. What do you like on your toast?

peanut butter and banan slices

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of?

working on a picture of a tiger redraw

58. What would be you dream car?

a Bike bc i Do Not Like cars

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain.

i only sing in the shower when nobody is home (which is infrequent bc my mom is Always here) bc i am self conscious around most ppl but like Music,,,,, also when i was little i would pretend that i was standing in the rain all sad like in movies lmao

60. Do you believe in aliens?

yah

61. Do you often read your horoscope?

i follow an astrology blog and i read homestuck i mean,,

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet?

i??? A maybe bc there are a lot of ways to write it pretty idk but like specifically capital A ig

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons?

Dragons they’re fire-breathing friends and i love them

64. What do you think about babies?

Gross

65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of.

U Didn’t put anything Here either so like how abt i give u a random fact abt myself that seems good my favorite bird is the lammergeier bc they’re basically irl dragons and they’re so pretty??? love them??? also i hate monkeys and apes esp chimpanzes bc they are scary and too much like humans to me i don’t like them

BOY that took way longer than i thought bc i had to feed my cat halfway thru and everything and like this is a Long Post sorry guys but ayyyyy this was fun thanks ari

[ginnyzero]

Completely Harmless Ch. 14

Completely Harmless An SSO SilverGlade Re-imagining Story (Or Fix it Fan Salt fic) By Ginny O.

When Lily and her friends wanted to buy horses and were directed to the Silverglade Manor and its myriad of problems, they didn’t expect to start a revolution. They were just a bunch a stable girls. Completely harmless. Right?

A/N: Things are only canon if I say they’re canon. Pre-Saving the Moorland Stables compliant for the most part. Posted in its entirety on my website. Posted in 2000 to 4000 word bits here. Rated T for Swearing Word Count 177,577

Chapter Fourteen Anastasia in Charge

They finished the front gardens and the reflecting pool/waterfall just in time, because the next day Antonia sent Lily a frantic text that she had a meeting with Anastasia in Jorvik City at Leonardo’s with Aaron Silverglade.

Lily wasn’t sure why the tough sounding woman needed her and Pauline but if it reassured her, then Lily was willing to join the meeting. Plus, ice cream.

Anastasia made a small noise about their outfits when they arrived. But it wasn’t like they had anything better than the Silverglade Clan outfit! But she didn’t say anything else. They all ordered ice cream.

Antonia shuffled her papers. She had a pile of her recipes and suppliers along with a trial layout of the menu and some pictures of different ceramic and glassware.

Anastasia raved about the food. “Classic and flavorful, and light, perfect for a summer menu. The cardamom in the rizogallo was the perfect touch. And you say you got everything locally, my mother is so proud of the resources in the Silverglade area. You are perfect for this position.”

Antonia smiled, pleased. “Local and fresh is essentially for a quality restaurant.”

Anastasia raised her hands. “I believe I have the perfect name, darlings; The Silver Glade, Fine Mediterranean Cuisine.”

“You’re the boss,” Lily said.

Antonia nodded. “My vision for the upstairs and downstairs dining areas is modern, fresh and young,” she said and laid out her photographs. “Upstairs the most important way to convey this will be with the place settings. I’ve brought several choices.”

“Going up and down those stairs, the servers are going to want comfortable shoes,” Pauline made a face.

Lily put a finger on a photograph. “What about those? They’re sufficiently modern and the white won’t interfere with the food.” The dishes in question had white on white Greek keys done intaglio style around the edges.

“That would be the Wedgewood set,” Antonia said with a wince.

Anastasia pounced. “Wedgewood is classic. Yes, I believe that will be perfect.”

Lily and Pauline rolled their eyes at each other.

“Now, Aaron has a plan to use the birches around the property to make birch syrup. The Silver Glade itself has a lot of birches we could tap as well.” Anastasia said. “Once we get that going, we’ll want to find ways to use it in the restaurant as well as, do you have a name for your little ice cream bar yet, brother dear?”

“I’m working on it,” Aaron fidgeted.

“I’m sure we can find something to use birch syrup in, such as the drinks or the ice creams and desserts,” Antonia reassured him. “That sounds fascinating.”

Aaron smiled at her and looked at his hands.

Antonia gave Anastasia a mild glare. Aaron was trying.

“And it will be something to sell at the Farmer’s Market,” Lily said.

“Farmer’s Market,” Antonia pounced.

“Yes, um,” Lily pulled out her phone. “We have a sister club called the Summer Chipmunks based in Silverglade Village. They have claimed the four local tenant farmers, Landon is a sheep farmer, Marley does potatoes, Steve grows grains and keeps dairy cows and Barney also has crop fields such as carrots, beets, and turnips. They found an area that’s relatively centralized to put in a farmer’s market. They’ll be using the pavilion we used for the taste testing. It’s near the Golden Fields.”

“Really? That’s wonderful.”

“They’re hoping to get farmers from all over the county, like MoonRiver honey and the Sunfield’s dairy,” Pauline said. “They’re looking into finding who owns the apple orchard in Firgrove.”

“The spot is near the Golden Fields, but they can’t figure out why they’re called that. I don’t know why the Silver Fields are called that either, they’re just useless expanses of grass that rich people call lawns,” Lily drawled out.

“Buttercups?” Pauline asked with a shrug. “I don’t know.”

“Maybe it was dandelions.”

“Mrs. Holdsworth would like that and dandelions are at least useful,” Pauline tilted her head. “You can eat the flowers, the leaves are good for salads, the roots make a bitter tea and can be added to coffee, I think it was dandelions.”

“It’s probably not important,” Antonia said.

Lily texted the President of the Summer Chipmunks a message. “Oh, they looked into it, they used to be canola fields. It doesn’t seem right that the Silver Fields aren’t silver. I suppose if we must, we can do something about it ourselves.” She sent another text.

Pauline gave her an odd look.

Lily put her phone away. “How did you want to decorate?” She asked Antonia. “We have plenty of miniature roses left over for the upstairs restaurant if you want them.

“I was thinking round tables and roman style chairs? If there is such a thing. And of course, we’d want candles in the middle with flowers from the gardens. Or even table lamps we could put flowers around. I don’t want it too fussy.”

Pauline brightened. “Agnetha has had globe style lamps made for the gardens already and commissioned benches.” She pulled out her phone. “Okay, Linda has been posting pictures on her Jorvikgram and I took a bunch.” She passed the phone over. “So, similar to that?”

“Yes, yes,” Antonia looked relieved. “Maybe a bit more modern. But we could do something similar for the interior, that is, I don’t know how much your mother wants to make over for a downstairs rainy and cold day dining area.”

“Mother has given me free reign to make this a success.” Anastasia waved a hand. “Aaron, where is your computer, let’s have a better look at these pictures.”

Aaron retrieved his computer and chicken pecked in his password. He nudged it towards Pauline.

Pauline input Linda’s JorvikGram and scrolled through the pictures and the pictures were captioned with who had actually done the pieces.

“Linda believes in fair attribution for the artists,” Pauline explained. “She wants them to get more business.”

“And they will,” Anastasia said.

By the end of the session, they at the very least had some ideas for lamps, place settings and silverware. The Wedgewood sets even had flower vases.

Lily and Pauline were sent off with orders to leave at different businesses to be shipped to Silverglade. (Where Lily knew that they’d have to pick them up and bring them to the Manor.)

Anastasia also made one more request. She needed the measurements of all of the girls. She had plans it appeared. Lily and Pauline promised to get them for her.

Aaron was still dithering over what to call everything. “I’m not that inventive,” he said plaintively. The girls promised to think about it for him.

“Anastasia went the easy route,” Lily told Pauline on the name for the restaurant as they left for Aideen’s Plaza.

Pauline snorted. “You’re up to something.”

“Really?” Lily batted her eyes at Pauline.

“Why do you care so much about the Baroness’ lawn anyways,” Pauline twisted to look at her on the trolley.

Lily shrugged. “It seems like a waste. I mean, lawns are all about conspicuous consumption. They came to be because rich people had so much land and money that they could afford to have large swaths of it doing nothing. See my big tracts of grass that doesn’t grow food or flowers or feed animals. Lawns are dumb. And, the grass isn’t silver, so the name only makes sense if you know it’s the property of the Silverglade’s and, maybe I have something against grass.”

Pauline giggled.

So Pauline pretended not to notice that Lily and Iris had a furtive exchange at Iris’ shop. They placed the orders they needed with the artisans Agnetha had found. They weren’t too surprised. Rumors were rampant about things happening out around the Baroness’ Manor.

No doubt many of them were created by Anastasia herself.

They returned back to the Manor to report to the others who were washing a new set of ducks. Brittany was frantic over a black one.

“Uh, Brit, I think he’s supposed to be that color.”

Brittany held the black duck upwards, it reflected purple in the sun. “Are you sure?” She sounded panicked.

“Okay, vet time!”

They took the duck to the vet.

“It’s a Jorvegian Aubergine Black Duck,” the vet reassured her. “It’s supposed to be black.”

“Some poor fool named this duck after an eggplant,” Regina moaned.

They giggled.

Brittany cuddled the duck. “Okay, as long as he’s supposed to be this way.”

“They’re known for their deep black feathers, orchid sheen and purple bills and feet,” the vet explained.

“We have added a rather large water feature to the manor,” Regina told her.

“It may be attracting other Jorvegian duck species. The South Silver Waters also border the Baroness’ lands and many wild ducks like to swim in the shallows. Keep your eyes open for Jorvegian Purple Mallards and Jorvegian Purplebills. They’re both native wild species.” The vet said. “But don’t be surprised if others turn up if you’re making the Manor hospitable to them.”

The girls nodded.

“Thanks!” Brittany called out to her as they left, the duck safely tucked in her saddlebag.

They returned to the manor and since all the chores were done for the day, they rode around with Pauline trying to decide on races.

“I’m not sure I like this, we’ve been so busy and doing nothing is boring,” Melody said.

“Don’t say that,” Grace groaned. “You’ll jinx it.”

“Well, Antonia the Chef is going to be moving to Silverglade from New Hillcrest soon. She owns a Scooter, so she might need help moving. And well, the restaurant is going to need to be decorated and everything.”

So, they decided to poke their noses around to see what was going on with the restaurant and kitchen.

They tramped up to the roof of the manor again and spread out.

“Well, this is fine and all for a warm summer day,” Elsa observed. “But there has to be a room that we can use in the Winter. You can’t let it sit for most the year wasting money. You don’t want to lose employees!”

“It doesn’t look like it needs that much sprucing up.” Jennifer added. “If there was furniture you could start tomorrow.”

“If,” Tyra said. “There is a room downstairs for the restaurant, I think. I mean, it’s past the stairs.”

“Forward is the library,” Lily said as they went back downstairs. “That leads to the Baroness’ dining room.”

“I think her kitchen is supposed to serve both places,” Linn scratched her neck.

“That’d actually make sense,” Stacy said.

“So, it’s this door here,” Lily said and put her hand on the handle. She cracked it open. It was a big empty room. “Yeah, I think this is it.” She opened it more and they filed inside to look around.

“It isn’t very,” Abigail shrugged. “Memorable.”

Lily took pictures and sent them to Anastasia and Antonia, asking Anastasia if this was the room in question.

They checked the door leading into the house. “Okay, yeah, that’s the kitchen,” Tyra said after peeking inside. “I don’t think there is anyone there.”

“Doesn’t her butler do most the cooking?”

“Maybe she has a private chef.”

Lily put a finger to her lips, ducked inside and took more pictures for Antonia. She left without touching anything. It wasn’t a huge space. It didn’t have to be.

“Just a big empty room,” Regina bit her lip.

“What does a stylish Mediterranean Restaurant look like anyways?” Linn asked.

“That sounds like an internet search!” Elsa said.

They retreated to the library and took out their phones and searched. They showed each other different pictures.

“I think this is the closest we can do with the room,” Regina said and brandished her phone to show them pictures of the Le George restaurant at the George Four Seasons Hotel in Paris.

They did all agree. They didn’t have quite the same type of architecture, because the Le George definitely had a glass sunroom type area. So, again, Lily forwarded the pictures to Antonia and Anastasia mentioning something similar could work for the Silver Glade and that surely they could use the Roses instead of orchids.

But they didn’t want to copy it exactly.

That and if there wasn’t purple, the Baronness would be upset. Anastasia knew a decorator and informed Lily that she’d be there tomorrow with materials and that they better be available to her.

They all rolled their eyes and agreed.

“Better warn Agnetha,” Lily mumbled and went to do just that.

Then, they went for a ride in the Silver Fields. Lily passed out a bunch of seed packets from Iris for them to scatter of wild Carnations. They didn’t grow more than three to five inches high and were colored white with bits of pink on the inside or plain white.

Pauline rolled her eyes

The rest of the girls just giggled.

Lily hummed as she scattered seeds. She was sure that Agnetha would agree with her that big lawns of grass, grass, and more grass were nothing but a waste.

FOR THE ACCOMPANYING IMAGES PLEASE DO NOT REMOVE MY WATERMARK AND CONTACT INFORMATION. THANK YOU. I get it. Some of you might get excited and want to see this stuff in the game, especially the clothes, tack, and pets. However, the only way I want to see this in the game is if I get paid for it. If I see it in the game and I’m not paid for it, there will be hell to pay. You think I’m salty. I’d be angry. Personally, I’m not going to send this info to SSO. If you do, leave my contact information there! Don’t give them any excuses to steal.

Now, I’ll know you haven’t read this note if you leave me comments about how ‘salty’ I am about the game and if I hate it so much I should do something else. I am doing something else. It’s called Mystic Riders MMORPG Project. Mystic Riders however is a very baby phase game. You can check out our plans on the game dev blog. (Skills, Factions, Professions, Crafting, Mini-Games, 25+ horse breeds!) If you know anyone who would be interested and has money or contacts about game making, direct them to the blog.